With My Gaze Toward Sunlight

Sunlight warms my skin
Looking up with falling tears
Drying on my face.

What else could be more human.

To hurt for other souls; to hurt ourselves, not knowing what the future holds or how to make it through the day. Life can seem incomprehensible; right now, it is.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Yet I felt defeated, tears in my eyes in a shadowed stairwell on my break at work. I sat on the ground, my back against the wall, hurting.

Hurting for the world, the evil that innocent people are enduring. I’m hurting for you, for me, for anybody out there feeling defeated.

I’m in pain; I believe I’m doing all I can to heal, but it’s hard.

It’s fucking hard. Maybe we need to hurt to see the good. Maybe we need to walk through the darkness for our hearts to open.

Feeling like I’m not made to be whole, that my body will always be jacked up and that’s just what I have to endure. This problem was given to me because I’m made to outlast it. Because I’m different.

Am I? It’s days like today that make me different.

Sunlight warms my skin
Looking up with falling tears
Drying on my face.

I do whatever it takes just to find some sunlight, something to ease the pain. It makes me slow down, and I know that’s what I need when my soul wants to run, break free, push.

Endless waves of highs and lows, because even when I’m low and melancholic, I fight to find, to be, the light. But life is overwhelming, and I seldom know how to handle it.

“Throw everything out of your mind. Read a little, sleep,” says legendary writer James Baldwin.

“The world will still be here when you wake up, and there’ll still be everything left to do.”

I know that’s the answer.

Slow down, sleep. Wake up and open your eyes.

Open your eyes. It’s a new day.

Look around. Really look.

In the sun and the rain, I’ll give it everything; beneath blue skies and cold clouds of grey.

Everything to spread love, stay strong, find joy, be light. The air is clean and I’m awake; never gonna lay down and die while my spirit longs to fly.

I pray for the people of Israel and Palestine, all those caught in the crossfires of sheer evil. It tears me up inside.

I miss my friends, my old friends and the new, who are not so new anymore. I miss and need them all. So reach out. Spread your arms wide and hug life. The world needs a fucking hug right now.

Whatever you’re dealing with, don’t go through it alone. Tell your friends, your family, you love them.

Sunlight warms my skin
Looking up with falling tears
Drying on my face.

We’re alive. If we can find joy, love, truth in the lows, in the pain, then nothing will break us completely. Tears heal — let them fall.

Have faith that this — whatever it is — is part of the plan, that what comes next couldn’t blossom without the seeds being planted in what we’re overcoming now.

It takes courage — be strong.

Keep walking.

Be the love that the world needs, shining in our smallest acts of kindness and joy even when we’re hurting, even when the world tells us to hate or shy away, even when we can’t bear taking one more step.

Keep walking with your gaze toward sunlight.

Sunlight warms my skin
Looking up with falling tears
Drying on my face.

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