i am an outlaw
running through sun-kissed
fields of love and pain
alone in the sunshine
an adventure of the heart and soul
into the deeper parts of me
that scare me in reality
the self is being forged
each challenge, every fucking tear that falls
into this great void of mystery
sharpens my blade
slaying dragon after dragon falling
from the sky

i am an outlaw
running from the dessert of
broken promises
i couldn’t stay because
you said you loved me
to leave is to love myself
when the pain soon fades
all that will remain is love
that’s all i have room for in my pack
stuffed with provisions
my journal book and pen
the things i’ve gathered i let go of
burned away in a cloud of smoke

i run to self soothe
smoke weed on the river
listenin to cudi
try to see the humor
lean back
fill my lungs with eternity
breathe in the sky
i don’t want to hurt you for hurting me
but i can’t deny my own truth
unexpressed
energy goes cold inside of us
no chance to breathe the light
let your darkness shine

god loves me
and i love her
she holds me in her arms of aether
you never know
we could have grown old
but now i’m lying in the grass alone
will probably never see you again
but how am i to know

when i have the thoughts where i ask why
i let them pass like clouds in the sky
in a split second life shatters like a glass castle
i won’t shut myself from love
i’ll invite it in again
because it’s worth it
you’re still on my heart
it hurts but i love you from afar
a dissonance between actions and
the way i feel about you

why does love always hurt until
it doesn’t; until it does something else
open you up from the inside out
although that’s what’s happening to me now
i feel completely pried open heart gasping for air
i could barely sit still could hardly eat
so i have to run

the outlaw running towards the horizon
i don’t want to die
it all fucking scares me
like my pen running out of ink on the pages of my life
thank god i have a backup cartridge
another chance to write my story
for now i have to go alone
chased by the wind
nothing to do but let time pass
i still love you
but i couldn’t stay with you

what is it about walking
moving
i have to stay roaming so that
i may stay in contact with life
reality
myself
my thoughts need somewhere to go
can’t just look at walls
i need movement
music
to ease my heart
physical release emotional peace
i need to see things that are beautiful
and bigger than me
i need to see trees blowing in the sky
and brick buildings in the rain
and nourished flowers
to know how small i really am
to just appreciate every last drop
every fucking breath
the chance to feel it all
maybe if i just keep love in my heart
she’ll feel it too

i’m out here cleansed
by falling rain
talking to my friends
find strength in the pain
i don’t care about a job
i don’t care about money
i care about love, my friends, and uncovering my truth

nobody can deny you your truth
this is another stepping stone into who you’re meant to be
the way you handle this, what you learn
naw, no hard feelings
not in the end, but right now
there’s a mountain of tears in my chest
people make me laugh
i guess that’s why i need to stay outside

i die daily
feels like I’m cleansing
death and rebirth
i look to the phoenix on my arm
thought it was just about my back
but it’s right there
guiding me through life
i have so much to be grateful for
friends and family to call
a body that works
a heart that i refuse to close
thank you for the pain
because when the pain fades
all that will remain are beautiful memories
no hate
forgiveness in my heart
life is too short
still i ride alone

kicked up dust clouds the sun
looking behind me
my tribe forms a pack of fucking steeds
outlaws of love and pain
who aren’t afraid to feel both yin and yang
i fall back
engulfed by their love
serving our hearts
i’d forget my own name just to feel their light
and i’ve been hurt because of it
but it’s always been worth it
i try again, sailing into the thunder
not alone

standing there face to face
puffy eyed from crying
it’s surreal
we turn around and go.

what happens in the time between turning backs and the slow
ceasing of pain is life
and it can be much richer because of that pain
those memories
lessons which sprout like daisies from the ashes

we are the outlaws of love and pain
running through the ashes
rain is on the way