Times Are A’changin

THIS MORNING I put these words down at the beach while sitting on a rock, looking out into the cloudy grey sky and sea.

Sometimes, I don’t know how to make sense of the moment I’m in.

This experience, today; what can we do to understand our blessings, why we’re here, why we’re us — but ask?

Then go and live the answer.

I feel like I’m changing into a bolder human being. When I push past my comfort zone, I feel alive.

Like life is really happening. The blood in my body is real and flowing; the sounds of rolling waves wash through me.

I watch the sunlight creep across the sky and burn through the clouds, turning them pink and the water green and the sky blue.

What does it mean to feel at home?

A place entwined with memories — new ones and those of the past.

Last night while walking on the beach, I walked past a house that my family used to rent when I was a kid. I learned to surf on this beach.

My dad and uncles told my brother and me stories of the woman in white, a ghost who haunted the hill at the end of the beach.

I never thought I’d live here one day, that I’d call San Diego home, that I’d walk past our old stomping ground and swim in the ocean before sunrise and shed a tear more than a few times, thinking about how lucky I am, what it means to be alive.

That I’d go to concerts on the water and rowdy D2 hockey games and meet so many amazing people.

I never thought I’d live here and love it so much, but it sort of feels meant to be. But now I’m moving on, and that’s scary in a way, but I’m ready.

We never know we’re ready till we go; so we never do.

I’ve been running the past couple of weeks.

It’s been too long — I love to run so much. The feeling of breaking free and pushing past that threshold of comfort until you lose control.

That’s the feeling of being alive that I’ve been missing, that at one point I thought I’d never feel again.

Pushing past the fear, the worry, the pain, until you end up somewhere better.

Just keep going. Never stop trying. Don’t stop pushing. You might fall but don’t give in. All things change in time.

I can’t envision the people I’ll meet on the next leg of the journey, just as I could never have imagined the people I’ve met here.

Good people. Wonderful, caring, beautiful souls. New best friends, old friends, human beings striving to create a better world.

I hope I can contribute to that by seeking who I am and who I can be with an open mind and open heart; I want to help this world heal.

These blessings I’ve been given are overwhelming — incomprehensible blessings.

Being alive, searching for what matters, truth from the noise, joy from every day, beauty no matter how dark the world may seem.

Everything seems a certain way — seems — but what really is? What is there to pursue but love? Being loved and giving love to others and the world. To ourselves.

It all stems from our need to be loved. We’re good people; we might lose our way, but we can help each other find the light again.

We can be the ones who change a life and change the world in turn.

And that might be what it means to be good, the understanding that we’re all trying. We can help each other get there.

I’ll miss this place so much. It will always be home to me.

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