For as far back as my conscious memory goes
I’ve been battling inside
In this I thought I was alone
The pain started back at a time when I was stressed about my path,
My relationships,
My worth and all the rest
Worry struck my low back, a cry for help disguised as injury
I thought the pain would leave me soon with some physical therapy
That was six years ago my back and hips felt attacked
The pain obscuring who I was further back than that

Everything changed, I started asking “why me?”
I went on with my life addressing pain
Physically because that’s what makes sense
What we wanna believe, but there’s more to the story,
It’s the roots that make the tree
We try to fix our branches, broken leaves that we can see
But it’s the roots that need love gotta dig internally
My life took a turn that I didn’t ask for
But the pain’s become a message: “Wake up, to you there’s more”

I’ve felt trapped in this body, a soul inside a cage
But I smile when you see me
Couldn’t tell inside there’s rage; shit, I didn’t know it myself
But I hit my lowest low when nothing else worked
There was one place left to go —
I gotta go in if I want to be free, unpack my past, my anger
What it means to be me
We don’t ask for pain or the storms or the struggles that we face
But life is pain, and pain is meaning, and that’s the very thing we chase
It just wears a disguise, shiny objects, dollar sign
When the deepest well of meaning is the hole we feel inside
That well is our pain, that pain is our power
That power is our source, a seed that’s born to flower
Instead of fighting, or fleeing, or freezing we must face it

Face that there’s no pill or chiropractor who can help
Face that if we wanna reach heaven, we gotta learn to dance in hell
Face where we come from and what we’ve been through
Face our shadows deep inside, the darkest depths of you
I thought I was alone, been battling myself,
But there’s a world out there of people who need help
If I’ve learned anything it’s that we’re all dealing inside
Just shows in different ways it’s our pain we try and hide
It’s taken years of hiding, fleeing, numbing and distraction
The time has come to heal my life so here’s my plan of action
I’m going in, facing me, all this time I couldn’t see
I’ve been through shit it’s buried deep, the pain’s my truth,
My light, just looking for a
Way to speak.