MY HEART AND MY MIND pulled in different directions;
love and confusion, life proffers another lesson.
The heart’s complex and here I am,
penning thoughts to understand,
shit ain’t easy,
shit is messy,
but to feel is such a blessin’,
tangled up inside
’cause fear can’t hold me back
I close my heart it ceases beating
I’ll rip it open until the day I die.

Nothing could be more worth it.

Still, I’m tangled up inside. Life’s so hard to truly understand.

Maybe it’s not meant to be understood, but lived.

Part of me’s afraid that I’ll never find the one,
while what’s in front of me hurts, I succumb.
Because I want to feel that love which I’ve never truly found,
so much love to give it hurts to hold it down.
These thoughts consume me, I’m fuckin scared, to lose someone our love impaired, by trying leaping risking pain and loss —
I stand on the edge; she steps back.
Guarding the thing she treasures.
Afraid that it’ll break freefallin.

Hurts more to play it safe,
to know love takes risking pain,
long to know the joy of sunlight
I’m used to dancing in the rain
we’re human beings no one to fault,
I care about her still; so deeply,
am I strong to walk away.

It’ll hurt, I think, for I don’t know,
to know I have to let her go and
seek another heart to share — I
can’t forget who I am. I carry my own heart to bear.
This fire consumes the world I see a hand to hold a body cold
made warmer in my arms; love is not a thing to force.

As I pen these words,
young in foolish wandering no different from the birds,
the one we’re made for’s out there,
digging through their own complexities,
how fucking cool still young and free,
I’ll find em when the time is right by working on this thing called me.

You’re seen.

You’re heard; cherished more than be conveyed with words. Both afraid.
I don’t want to lose a friend. Hurts too much to walk away.

These emotions don’t just rip me apart.

They compose the basis of my existence. They hurt, yet to feel such deep love for other human beings makes life worth it.

People are everything; friends, family, those we love and care for.

Whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone. This’ll one day be a memory. And I know that’s true but it’s painful too, how quickly it all goes — people we knew, drift.

So love. Love now. Seldom easy knowing the right way how.

Keep your heart open; it’s all we can do, all we can fall back to, all we can rely on — no matter how many times it’s meant to close.

I won’t give into fear.

Of trying saying speaking moving pushin’ crying loving dying opening — this tangled heart will one day unravel; ‘till then I won’t stop fighting.

Sundry emotions — I’m trying to make sense of them, who I am and where I stand and how to weather the gales and piercing sun.

I know I need the sun; I have to feel its warmth to remind me of what matters. Longing for warmth in another’s embrace, that’s what I miss, am I strong for saying bye to it.

Warmth in clarity of mind.

It’s cold to feel ripped apart by longing; a longing to be me; fully. To love, fully. Haven’t found it but I’m young, with roads to walk and songs unsung; sunlight roars through me — the beating of my heart — all I know is that I’m here to feel this deeply.

Stay open. Keep trying. Don’t give in or fade away.

One day this will all just be a dream, and if it is, I want to wake from it. Wake in it. Not waiting for a change.

Use your heart and pour it out. Don’t hold back the life you feel.

The world inside of me mercurial like morning and night, darkness and light, and I love the storm, the sunny day too, the dusk and dawn and midnight blue.

I love who I am, and I’m trying to make sense of who that is.

I’m searching for my fire.

Can’t go at this alone.

We can’t go at this alone. But sometimes, we must dance alone beneath a radiant moon, full and shining; I feel these changes in myself, still me — I dance around my room listening to Gang of Youths, making breakfast, eyes welling up.

I hope to be a better friend to me.

When the nonsense settles, I love being Vinny. I hope you love you, too, no matter what.

Reflection in the mirror, red eyes, cracked smile scruffy beard radiant heart. You’re doing your best.

Because we are; at this time with what we know — we’re doing all we can to carry on. This storm, this beautiful storm — I dance in it. I open my heart to it. This won’t get the best of me.

I’ll only give the best of me, forever and always.