03 Nov I’m a Creep. I’m a Weirdo.
I was heading back from my lunch break at work when I heard a man across the street singing Creep, by Radiohead. I stopped and sat down and listened.
It was a beautiful day, crisp and blue and warm in the sun. I closed my eyes, listening to the heartfelt words. The man sang beautifully, wearing a big poncho, a bit disheveled, a bit different.
My eyes filled with silvery tears; something awakened, or something stirred, a piece of me that will always remain true, no matter how adjusted or normal or fine I seem on the surface. “I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here.”
Sometimes I still feel like I don’t belong — anywhere, with anyone; I know that this man felt the same. I know the people who dropped in a dollar, or twenty, felt that way too. Especially the man I saw drop a bill into the hat then cross the street toward me, thumping his heart with his hand, a reminder to himself, perhaps, that he wasn’t alone.
That got me good. I saw past the frenetic New York pace and the countless people, going wherever the hell we’re all going so fast. I just saw a hurting soul that had felt seen by this man who was brave enough to share his pain through love.
I sat there in tears, and they were dried in the sun, and I went back to work feeling kinda strange.
The next day I was walking home through Union Square as the sun was setting. The sky was red, the auburn leaves rustling across the pavement. I heard the man again, this time singing Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin. He looked quite a lot like McFerrin, actually, sung like him, too.
I thought to myself, I gotta tell him about yesterday.
So I listened to the song, singing along and dancing a little. People passed, some smiling at the scene.
The song finished and I told him I didn’t have any cash, but I had half a joint if he wanted it, and he said hell ya I’ll take half a joint. My kinda guy.
I told him I heard him yesterday singing Creep, and it made me cry. He said thank you man, you encourage me, his hand on his heart.
I said keep doing what you’re doin, brother.
And I became one of those people, the freaks, the weirdos, all you beautiful people strolling through the autumn light, going somewhere, looking for something, trying to keep it together.
I’m glad I stopped to turn around and listen. It’s been such a beautiful few weeks of crispy skies, changing leaves, Halloween spooks, jackets and sweaters and warmth.
This man changed my life. I hope I can do the same for the people that I see, hope to truly see, in our costumes, in our Halloween masks, in these personas that we wear.
I’m still trying to discover who I am underneath. I hope you are too.
I don’t know. This felt important. More important than anything. My purpose. Just to see you.
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