I don’t have a plan.

It’s in your eyes as we pass
the question that I want to ask,
the words fear leaping
safe inside — love remains unseen, unheard, unfelt;
afraid of what the world will think.
I once feared trying too;
still, I’m scared.

Not the ecstasy of life’s escape,
but leaving, having never lived.
What does it mean to live.
I have to try.
The words escape, you smile,
Our masks both crack; I glimpse you as you are.

I’m on the train,
that it’ll be okay.
Lost sight of normal life,
looking out into the mountains past,
snow capped and rivers slate,
maybe all I can do is keep pushing, trying, going,
but one day this train will stop;
I hope for now it’ll take me far.
my soul so strongly tells me: it doesn’t matter where it stops.
Look outside — the snow is falling.

Afraid that if youth skips away time unfilled will drift;
I’ll have nothing left to say.
What more is there to say than what I feel
here and now, and what I often feel are walls closing in.
But then I hear, see, feel something,
which helps me push against them.

Two hands touching brings a tear to my eye,
standing by the window,
cold glass fogs, no words between them,
a lifetime between them.
Why bring someone into this world?
To fill it with warmth.
So that they may feel the sun on their skin, the wind on their face,
the ocean holding them.
To feel the touch of winter;
to know what it means to have a heart.
Smile. To smile,
weightless from the laugh of a friend.

The onset of the night sky fills with the light of us.
I can’t help but chase the fading glow,
the day, this moment. But we can’t hold on forever.
What’s next is meant to come. Morning.
Night falls over me. I’m left
no longer looking for words to say,
no longer questioning if the light will leave;
I’m grateful for the chance to live at all.
For the chance to speak.
For the chance to say the words which fear jumping from my lips.

Use the fire, use the love.
Use the pain and the looking up above.
What do any of us seek
More than a reflection
But a hand to hold.
Wanting what we can’t see —
an answer to answerless questions.
A destination; definition; clarity.

Build a life — I’ll do the same in any way I can.
To be truthful, I’m running towards the future
until my legs give out.
I don’t have a plan.
Unsure of where this train is headed.
But the snow is falling. The wind is blowing.
The night is dark yet full of light.

My chest heaves, and I breathe the sweetest taste of air.
That’s what keeps me going.
If I see you let me know.
Maybe we can run together.

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