THIS PAST WEEKEND I was surrounded by friends and human beings enjoying life, where any moment might be the last to share our truth, where deep emotions are expressed and the sound of laughter lasts for days.

It’s hard to let go.

Memories flash through my mind and I smile; I can hardly speak of what the memories mean to me. But I’m scared too, of how times are changing, of how each second moves along without our being able to stop.

I don’t want to waste a second, but how can we not?

Often it’s not during the moment where we realize its significance. The thought comes later while reflecting, when the experience is locked away in a fantasy, where what might have been will never be.

So this is why I’ll share now.

What do my friends mean to me?

Going through the shit together — the greatest highs and melancholy lows. No matter what, I know we’ll always get through, together or apart.

In solitude I think about our times together, wondering when the next might be. In the time alone we reconnect with who we are, patiently through our actions, drifting through life, we become who we are.

Our spirit waits for the chance to reunite again. Because when we do, our spirit comes alive.

It ignites.

Our energy catches and spreads from soul to soul like a wildfire.

What do we make of our time in-between? I keep asking myself this question, wondering if I’m doing it right, waiting for the time to reignite.

We have to find what puts a smile on our face, that can somehow match the joy of being with the ones we love.

But nothing can match that feeling. What is it to experience life without another soul to share?

What is it, to be alive without showing someone else you care?

That’s the greatest gift of all, the greatest gift that we can give.

The feeling returns when I hear a song that moves me; I listen deeply to the lyrics, often overwhelmed by how they make me feel. I got to let it go, scream and shout, but sometimes it feels like I don’t know how.

Music evokes something I can’t control, a desire to be truly free, where the things we worry about don’t matter, where success and who we hope to be doesn’t matter, where pain doesn’t matter.

Music elicits nothing but love.

Love — it feels so good to share.

It’s what we cultivate when no one’s there, when we learn to love ourselves so we can love others in return.

We have to love ourselves, and learn to love ourselves, day by day by digging deep. Because we deserve it. No matter what, our true self deserves to be loved.

That’s who will be admired when we let them shine. The time comes differently for all of us; it comes from letting go.

Friendship, agape, love.

Love for your brothers and sisters; for all people whose heart beats to the same chord. And that’s every one who calls this planet home.

We are a family; it’s time we see this.

Paulo Coelho writes in one of my favorite books, The Pilgrimage:

We can always return to that place, where we feel like us and can just be, existing with ourselves and others in perfect harmony.

It’s what we’re born to do; when we’re with our friends, nothing else matters but being close.

We lose ourselves and find ourselves; we experience life and the winds of change and it’s hard to accept.

We’re afraid to open up our hearts and show who we are to others who feel the same — why?

We try to be what we think others want us to be, or what we think we need to be to be accepted.

When we want to be loved, all we can do is to express it. Express who you are, who you really are, what makes you, you.

Our friends love us for who we are. They don’t judge; they laugh. They tell you how it is. They’ll always be there, when you don’t feel like you and all you need to do is break through.

Perhaps we must journey alone for a while to find our tribe. Perhaps, that’s the time that means the most.

But what if we could go out there with our hearts on our sleeves, not lost in our own head but lost out there, truly and authentically?

How do we know who that person really is until we try?

When we try to find ourselves, we’ll find the people that we need. We need each other, for this life is a journey worth taking on together.

I’ll cherish my friends for as long as my heart beats, for as long as I have a hand to give and a smile to share, for as long as my spirit shines, for as long as my soul can bear.

That’s what my friends mean to me. Friends, but more than that. Family.