A Beautiful Void of Darkness

TO GROW OLDER MEANS accepting that I do not know. There’s a beauty in the unknown, as it signifies something to strive towards that may never be fully attained.

To admit you do not know is to be awake in the beautiful void of darkness. In the darkness, you are open to learning. You use your hands and feet to navigate the uncharted terrain; your senses come alive — you begin to change.

To believe you know is to never open your eyes at all. It, too, is dark; but there’s nowhere to move. I long to explore the world in a way that helps me better understand my place in it. I’ll never fully understand, but that unknown is what makes life a daring adventure.

When we’re young we take on the roles we’ve been given: son, daughter, student, artist, athlete, employee — we identify with these roles when we think we have no other choice.

We assume the roles are us and build a structure based on this illusory foundation. But one day we wake up, and, if we’re fortunate, we realize that there’s more to life than the roles we’ve been given.

Once I took the step to get closer to my ideal life by adhering to the passion placed in my heart, I found myself in a void of beautiful darkness. It’s quiet, it’s still, yet it pulses with the energy of existence. The only way to illuminate the darkness is to drop preconceived notions and let our light guide the way.

The further we go within ourselves, the more we’re exposed to new possibilities, opportunities and ideas. The world opens up; what was dark before can now, just maybe, be seen. I take another step and feel the unsteady earth beneath my feet; I notice prevalent opportunities, glimmers of faint brilliance, stars in the great unknown.

Once we’re there we can’t go back, for there’s nowhere to return. Once we’re there, the darkness doesn’t matter anymore. That’s when we must take the next step, and the next, and the next.

In the darkness, one finds who they truly are. It may be scary, but it’s okay to be afraid. I’m scared, too.

All I know is that I do not know. I do feel something, however, and I’m going to follow that feeling. As I take another step, allured by the shifting earth, I’m forced to look around, gather and think for myself. I truly let go, absolute freefall into self.

The world is cryptic, ancient, senseless. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth journeying. In the cryptic, one finds beauty. In the ancient, one finds meaning. In the senseless, one finds purpose.

I’ll continue to seek what it means to shine my light, the only thing we need to illuminate our way. I do not know, really anything at all. The only direction to go is courageously forward.

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