When I wake, if the sky is purple instead of grey, I know the sun is reaching through the lingering clouds, and that the clouds will dissipate. The day will be clear and warm.

I leave with the dog for a run, first heading through my neighborhood to Oakland’s Lake Merritt, stopping in a nearby park to do pullups. I love the simplicity: a couple of pullup bars and a station for dips, a setup that could be found when roaming any city of the world and enjoyed for free. There’s really not much more one needs to be fit.

I hit a few rounds as the dog runs around the grass. She brings me a withering stick to toss between sets. Next I’ll run around the lake and back home. The lake is still, clean on the surface like glass. There’s that fragrant early morning summer warmth. It seeps into my muscles and bones and loosens my body as I sweat.

The lake has a cheerfulness, or maybe it’s the way I see it, as it’s hard not to be cheerful when running with my dog, whose tongue dangles from her snout as she trots beside me, evoking smiles from people as they pass. She’s the perfect running companion.

The lake in the morning’s a pale gold, the surrounding buildings opaque in rays cast by the sun. The flowers growing both up into the sky and down into the earth on the edges of the lake make me stop and marvel. Creamy white, others the multitudinous purples, reds and oranges of a supernova. I breathe deeply of their spicy-sweet fragrance, and as I do, I notice the rowers, paused like still-lifes in the water or gracefully gliding. The lake is just a vibe, and I fuckin’ love it.

My body feels good. As good as it’s ever felt. A song comes on that sparks fond memories. Emotion rises through my legs and through my chest and toward my heart, an energy that’s overwhelming, all-consuming, benevolent and pure; I run harder, endorphins flushing, pushing myself, tears welling in my eyes, curse words escaping my lips as catharsis — I know I’ve been through something, a body and soul gripped by pain for years, and in moments like these, when the world is bright and my mind is open and the day is young, I know I’ve beaten what broke me.

Healing my body through altering my mind.

I’m not fighting anymore.

Fighting has always made the pain worse. I accept it, I surrender, because I know it will all work out if I let it.

The emotions need to flow unobstructed like a river headed for the sea.

Every day I’m growing. It’s taking time to fully heal, and that’s fine. Every day I’m learning something new about this mysterious universe both inside and out, unexplored and boundless, flawed and miraculous, human and spirit.

I’m alive, doing what I love.

Truly I could ask for nothing more, as everyday I must remind myself of what I made it through. On my worst days, I dreamed of nothing more than mornings like these.

Everything changes in time. Everything happens for a reason. There’s wisdom in the struggle, beauty in the pain, and so much light at the end of the tunnel.