BEFORE I MOVED to Tokyo, I was given a very special gift by Kauru and Santana, two people I’m beyond grateful to call best friends.

The gift was a quote by 19th-century philosopher and essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson, written in silver on purple parchment. It reads:

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

I’m thinking a lot about my path these days, as I look at the quote every day, the silver letters shimmering like the moon, guiding my steps through the night.

There are things that make me afraid, as the unknown, by definition, is daunting. But I’m more excited than afraid, as what I want from life is becoming more and more clear.

What I want isn’t necessarily new; in my heart of hearts, I’ve been called for years to a life of profound meaning, expression, creativity, connection, exploration, learning, teaching, and love.

I’ve always known what I’ve wanted, but I haven’t truly accepted what I want as possible, attainable, realistic. Because my dreams aren’t realistic. And what the fuck is realistic?

A life that’s not for me.

Right now, my world is transforming like never before.

I’m tired of living in fear — the fear that I’m broken, the fear that I can’t create the exact life I long to create.

The distractions are fading away. The pain is losing its grip; all that matters now is allowing what’s real in me to prosper.

I know what I want, and it’s freedom. The freedom of expressing the color of my soul. The freedom to move without thought, to play, to feel.

The freedom to be who I am, unashamed, undaunted, and at peace. The freedom to soar beyond self-limiting restraints, no longer chained to my past, but creating every day a fresh reality.

I will embrace who I am, who I know I can be, and walk down the road of my destiny. Beyond the horizon exists a life not yet discernible, yet, like the light of the moon, it draws me so fiercely.

And if I must, I will die on the road, pursuing the life of my dreams.

If I must, I will die on the road.

Walking — just walking down a road we know we’re meant to walk will give our lives more meaning than reaching the horizon ever could.

All this time I thought I feared my darkness, when it was really the depth of my light, waiting patiently to shine.

When we think about our path in life, what comes to mind is our career, our job.

But that’s not our path, is it? When you think of your path, is all you see a career? Or do you see failures and changes, chapters and seasons, lessons and loss, wonder and love?

The more I understand who I am, the less I can foresee what’s coming next.

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path,” said Joseph Campbell, who made famous the concept of the hero’s journey.

“Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.”

Deep inside, my soul longs for experiences. New places, adventures, fulfillment, work, and deeper understanding deriving from these experiences. In the words of the Russian playwright and writer, Anton Chekhov:

“I long to embrace, to include in my own short life, all that is accessible to man. I long to speak, to read, to wield a hammer in a great factory, to keep watch at sea, to plow. I want to be walking along the Nevsky Prospect, or in the open fields, or on the ocean — wherever my imagination ranges.”

All that is accessible to man. But that is only what’s without. I, too, long to experience all the world has to offer.

Yet I’ve realized, as I’ve embarked on my spiritual odyssey, that everything we hope to find is within us.

I thought I had to go out there to find these things, but the journey — the ocean and the open fields, the wind and the beating of the hammer — it’s all in here, within the deep well we all possess.

My greatest source of meaning comes from tapping into that well. Now, I’m going deeper than I ever have before. And that is what I love, what I crave, what excites me more than anything — depth.

There is no path laid out before me. Yet, our path is not just a career or a vocation. It’s the direction of our soul’s expansion, both within and without. And right now, all that makes sense is plunging deeper within.

That is my path — the spiritual road on which I walk.

I’ve been given this challenge, six years of chronic back pain, for a reason. I had to hit rock bottom a month and a half ago.

I had to feel completely broken so I would stop trying to heal physically and gaze as deeply and for as long as I can into my inner well.

That is when I came across my supernatural aid, and nothing’s ever been the same. Stars are aligning. I just can’t explain. Constellations are connecting; epiphanies are blossoming from daily tears.

The pain was a gift. An absolute gift. I am nothing but grateful for all that it’s given me. But I don’t need it anymore.

My direction is clear, but I have no clue where things will go.

I’ll take one step at a time, and I will leave a trail.

I’m in love with life, in love with the questions, in love with this indescribable journey.

And it’s only just begun.